Bye 2016, welcome 2017: There are many good reasons not to have a new year blast

Why do we celebrate the new year with such vengeance? For the past ten days, the first question the human race asks is, what are your plans.

Don’t have any. Nature does not have any. Not the moon nor the sun nor the stars are the least bothered about it. Flora and fauna don’t care, it is just another 24-hour cycle.

And what exactly are we celebrating? Self-indulgence? Escapism? One step close to the dark night, that much more dimming of the light and what are we doing, we are leaping about with little hats on our heads blowing little tweeters in each other’s faces.

Come to think of it, New Year’s Eve is so reflective of our values as people.

The deception. Making resolutions that only 1 percent actually keep.

The cold-blooded ruthlessness. 2016 is out, kick the blighter in the back side, let’s go curry favour with 2017, just like we do to the new boss when he replaces the old one, overnight change of loyalty, the king is dead, long live the king. We do it in our offices all the time.

The hypocrisy. Hugging people we don’t know in a false sense of bonhomie and frigid warmth that will disappear in two minutes. The rest of the year, kill and plunder and destroy with glee.

We must love one another and I hate people who don’t but go gaga over people we cannot stand the rest of the year, oh please, give me a break.

Wastage. Gluttony rules the roost and we waste money, food and drink and largely make complete fools of ourselves and this we call having a blast.

The competitiveness. Oh, we are going to see the northern lights. We are off to the Costa del Sol. Decided to bring in the new year in Greece in Santorini.

Bring in the new year???? What an arrogance. You are not bringing in anything. The earth will continue its daily revolution and another day will dawn and wouldn’t it be far more rewarding to do one good deed per person rather than having three for the road and turning into a statistic.

It is not as though the massacre of the earth will stop or mankind will wake up a better race or children will not be exploited and we will ride posse against the common enemies of mankind: poverty, disease and injustice.

Come Monday morning nothing is going to change.

So why do we do it, this dog and pony exhibition of great joy and enthusiasm that the well-heeled engage into the total eyebrow-raising surprise of the majority who just go to bed because tomorrow they go to work. Like they do every day of the year.

Think of it. January, as a month, only came into being in 700 BC. And 1 January was chosen as the new year because Julius Caesar realised the sun and the calendar were out of synch so he arbitrarily added 96 days on the advice of his astrologers and made it work for him. It was no party for the astronomers and January was chosen to please Janus, the god of beginnings. Old Jules wanted to be on good terms with starters.

And if all this hasn’t ruined your mood entirely think of five other good reasons.

You’ll be paying for cheap over-priced drinks, be stuck in a miserable crowd in a miserable place having to say ‘aren’t we having fun’ every few minutes because the service sucks and you are actually miserable.

The food will be like swill if you can reach it.

Somebody will scratch your car if you can get it parked for a start and valet service will cost an arm and a leg.

Getting reunited with your car will take ninety minutes as you freeze in the cold, and some idiot on your table will get maudlin and mushy and sentimental and there goes your evening in a basket.

You’ll have to suffer stupid comments, several versions of stupid ‘see you next year’ jokes accompanied by false laughter and the music will drown out any chance of conversation.

Stay home. You will save yourself a hangover.

First Published On : Dec 30, 2016 16:47 IST